Borrowing (and causing) t-r-o-u-b-l-e

So long, farewell.

2009-05-27T22:35:00.003-04:00

So, in my easily annoyed state of late, I've decided I've had it with Blogger. As of my next posting, you can find me (if you so choose) at the following wordpress address:

www.borrowingtrouble.wordpress.com

While I'm staying true to my original borrowing trouble roots, I have changed the actual name of my blog to stay truer to the character of my posts. My blog is now called "Telling It Like It Is" because, lbh, that's pretty much the route I've chosen to take as of late.

So, please make note of the new address and come visit. I promise to entertain.

I see right through this.

2009-05-27T15:38:00.001-04:00

Jessica Szohr eats like a man. Really? This overcompensation bit to overcome eating disorder rumors is a bit much. Cheeseburgers are orgasmic so you gave up ten years of being vegetarian and now eat steak and potatoes? You really love food that much. Really, Jessica?

http://www.people.com/people/article/0,,20281274,00.html

Drew Barrymore...

2009-05-27T15:36:00.001-04:00

...looks horrible! It doesn't even look like her.

That is all.

He just won't go away.

2009-05-26T18:32:00.002-04:00

So, I love seeing how people find my blog. Aside from my legion of faithful followers, I have some newcomers. And, oddly enough, most of them get to me--still!--by doing searches that are Slade Smiley related. You know, the slut of Real Housewives of Orange County (RH-OC to those in the know).

First it was Jo. Then Laurie. And now, allegedly, Gretchen (who should still be mourning the death of what's his name but, instead, is out and about). Birds of a feather, they say.

Kenny Chesney: A Study in Diversity and Redneck Drunkeness

2009-05-23T22:53:00.009-04:00

I'm not even sure where to begin. I realize, in reading over my past few entries, that it seems as though I'm riding a high horse named Cynic these days. I'm in a good mood, really. There are just things, lately, that have really been bothering me, so I've figured I might as well use my blog for good rather than evil. The good, my friends, comes just from the mere fact that I can put these feelings and annoyances on paper (eh, on screen) and theoretically be relieved of them.

Now, I should have considered my propensity to be easily annoyed as of late before agreeing to go and see Kenny Chesney perform at Merriweather Post Pavilion this past Friday. But, alas, he is one of my favorite live performers and, when the opportunity to go see him arose, I could not refuse. So, off I went--along with three friends--on Friday afternoon. Friday of Memorial Day weekend. In a car. Travelling the same route (though it probably wouldn't have mattered) as those getting out of town and heading to the beach. Let the annoyance begin.

Thankfully, our driver was attuned to and familiar with the ins and outs of the Maryland back roads, so we made it to the concert in time and with only minimal irritation levels. We grabbed some dinner at a nearby restaurant (that had cartoon murals of vegetables adorning the walls) and then headed to the venue.

Enter the crowd. Now, don't get me wrong. I know that when you go to any concert, the majority of the fans are going to be individuals who fit the stereotype of the featured genre of music. But, as one of my companions aptly stated, "Why do people automatically associate plaid with country music?" Well said, friend. Plaid. And sleeveless--bonus if it was both. Cut off denim, no matter the size of the thighs. Belt buckles made of enough silver to adorn with jewelry a small South American nation. Cowboy boots with otherwise non-cowboy apparel (picture short, skimpy sundresses). I could go on, but I will refrain, lest I be castigated for proclaiming myself the Captain of the Country Music Concert Fashion Police. But first, let me just say that the people watching? Amazing.

Before I forget: can someone please tell me whose brilliant idea it was to have an entire food stand devoted to sushi? Sushi! At an outdoor concert venue. That presents most, if not all, of its shows in the summer. When, you know, it's HOT OUTSIDE.

The crowd was pretty standard. The diversity within it, not surprisingly, came not from ethnicity or race but, rather, from the degree of drunkeness. This blogger was pushed forward and almost knocked over (thank goodness for impeccable balance) not once but twice by inebriated 20-something boys. If I had a beer for every boxer short baring, wife beater wearing, song slurring, non-reformed frat boy who stumbled his way over and/or around us well, I'd be drunker than they were. And I can generally hold my alcohol well (5/2/09, anyone?).

My biggest complaint (Ha! You probably thought I couldn't complain any more than I already have) is that due to the accoustics and the roar of the crowd, it was hard to hear Kenny belt it out. Add to that the fact that he seemed to get a kick of having the audience do a lot of the singing (which I don't mind, but I prefer sing-alongs over sing-insead-ofs) and it was not one of my favorite Kenny experiences. Luckily, I had a fun group of gals with whom to people watch and enjoy the experience. And I like to hear my own voice.

Enough with the rejects!

2009-05-19T14:30:00.007-04:00

I was as excited as the rest of you Bachelor[ette] fans when our favorite reality host Chris Harrison announced (to no one's surprise) that the next bachelorette would be none other than our favorite Canadian hot dog afficionado, Jillian Harris (or, as one well-spoken and brazen bachelor called her last night, "Hot Tub Harris").

Fast forward to last night, when I was forced (work with me, here) to watch the worst two hours in The Bachelor franchise's history. There was just so much wrong with this new season already...

The least of which, let's cut to the chase, was not that not one single one of Miss J's potential suitors was even attractive. Ok, so there was a hint of cute here and there (hello, Juan) but, overall, there was not one man who stood out (as, I hate to admit, Ryan the Fireman did on the first season of the show) as a potential husband or, even, romantic interest. Yes, they all had interesting careers. They seemed relatively successful. All were obviously interested in her. But they were also bad dressers (the hipster from Brooklyn as just one example), had horrible senses of humor ("You are a great catch!"), were already pulling the wool over her eyes (I'm talking to you, Mr. First Impression Rose--you lost your words? Really? I already forgot your name, so great first impression.), and had fetishes (Feet?! Already?! On the first episode?! For the world to see?! Way to go, Tanner P.).

Ok, so back to my point. Whatever that may have been. Yesterday's episode was just bad. And, in all honesty (and I say this with "expertise" as I have watched almost every season (I took an unintended reality dating tv break in 2008), that Jillian didn't really seem all that stoked to be there. Sure she was excited. But she also was (1) on tv (2) had a great new wardrobe (3) was living in an awesome mansion and (4) [despite their quality] eventually had 30 men swooning over her.

...three of whom allegedly have girlfriends. And one of whom agreed to be on the show because he thought it would give him a better chance of becoming the next Bachelor. Which brings me to my REAL point: WTF with the choices for America's bachelor and bachelorette? I, and others I know (Hi, CB! Hi, Jacqueline!), long for the days when our lovelorn contestant was someone of relative significance--a military doctor, a 24 year old who started and ran his own bank, a son of a member of a prominent family. Now? Now we have random Canadians and unremarkable ahole single dads. Now we have cast offs who weren't good enough the first time around and are now getting a chance of their own...in which their rejects will undoubtedbly move on to star in the next season. Is that what we want?

No, it's not. But stay tuned for next week, anyway, when I complain again about wasting an hour of my life watching this dribble [and loving and hating every second of it].

While we're on the subject of Facebook...

2009-05-19T11:54:00.002-04:00

So, before I was on the Facebook bandwagon (OH how I resisted), I still had a slight interest in what was going on in that part of cyberspace. Ok, it was more than slight. (And my resistance was admittedly more out of spite than anything by then.)

ANYWAY, even though I refused to legitimately sign up for Facebook, I did sign up illegitimately, if you will. I created a persona--no pictures, no real details--so that I could peruse the profiles my friends were talking about (assuming, of course, they were public and/or within my network). This girl, let's call her Marisa (DOB: 2/24/84), never made any friends, didn't post status updates, wasn't tagged in photos...she just sort of existed. She did do me and my other non-FB friends well for some time., allowing us to--ok, fine--stalk to our hearts' content. Soon, though, we sort of forgot about her.

Until this week when she appeared to me as a friend suggestion. What?!? How did THAT happen? Why would FB think I wanted to be friends with her? She has no friends, we have no connection whatsoever except our broad Washington, DC network. I. Don't. Get. It. Is FB trying to tell me it's on to me and my not so wily ways?

And, please. Don't think I don't think you have or have had a fake FB profile, too. Or know someone else who does. Or, at the very least, considered it. I have a theory that, if it weren't such a privacy enabling social network, there'd be tons of fake profiles floating around. Am I wrong?

You have the right to remain silent (anything you say may be used against you).

2009-05-18T15:12:00.006-04:00

Facebragging verb: a facebook status update with the purpose of self-promotion or boasting about one's accomplishments or experiences (or that of their offspring).

In the age of Facebook, where everyone and his mother (literally) is online and sharing their lives with the world, we have come to be inundated with the goings on of these people's lives. Every last detail is, well, detailed for the world to see, whether in status messages or through photographs.

Don't get me wrong--I'm not trying to be a Bitter Betty here. But there are some things that are better left unsaid, that people, frankly, don't care about. I will admit, I too am a perpetrator of this act of exposing the world to this insignificant (to them) information. But, since realizing my extreme abhorance to such statuses (sometimes the strangest things rile me up), I have made a conscious effort to not share certain things with the world...even if sometimes I do just want to brag.

Do you really have to send a mobile update extolling how your romantic husband is taking you to the most expensive and romantic restaurant in town? You are on a romantic date. I'm happy for you, I really am. But leave the cell phone at home. And enjoy your effing romantic and expensive dinner, because eventually, you're going to have to go home and deal with those kids of yours. You know, those ones we all know all about because we have read that they made the dean's list for the 14th quarter in a row, pooped in (or out of) the potty before any of their peers, and rode a big wheel before they could crawl. By the way, I don't want to read about poop. Or big wheels. Unless there's a funny anecdote attached to it. Maybe it's because I'm not a parent. And a "baby-hater." But ew.

I don't want to read about how perfect your life is. If you wax poetic in your status messages, painting a picture perfect vision of your life, about sitting by your stone hearth sipping a perfectly aged glass of cabernet while the snow falls gently outside and your homemade soup boils on the stove...I'm not going to believe you that it's so perfect. Because why? WHY? Because if your circumstances were that picturesque and wonderful, you would not likely be taking the time to update your status message. You'd be enjoying it.

While we're at it...let's talk about Faceboring. I know it's the age we live in...where we feel the need to overshare. But come on, people. You're driving to work? Awesome. So are 8 million other people at exactly the same time. I? Don't care. Guess what, unless you tell me what you're making for dinner, I don't care that you're making it. I eat dinner, too. And you know what? You already know that about me. Without me telling you.

Also, don't just say "John Smith had a good weekend." Tell me why or don't tell me at all. Because while I'm glad you had a good weekend, I will assume so whether you tell me or not, unless you tell me otherwise.

Now, I'm not saying I'm not guilty of either of the two above mentioned taboos. I know that sometimes I fall victim to oversharing or undersharing. The problem arises, though, when it is constant. I'll let it slide (for myself and others) every now and then. But when every, single, solitary status message falls under the definition above? That's just TMI in the greatest sense of the acronym.

You have to admit, I might have a point here.

By no means am I trying to squelch anyone's creativity here, or deny you your First Amendment rights. Just know that I, and others, are watching. And taking note. And maybe even vomiting a little. But, don't worry. I won't status about it.

Special thanks to Marty Farrant for coining the term "facebragging" and to my pal, Ada, for contributing to the examples.

A Review, Or Two

2009-05-11T15:56:00.003-04:00

Since BaCT's rebirth, I've come to realize that I'm just going to write about whatever strikes my fancy. No more fear of being ostracized or judged. I think it? I write it. There.

So, for your reading pleasure, I'm going to embark on my first blog reviews. Today's installation will be a spa review and a restaurant review...all rolled into one!

This past weekend I had the pleasure of partaking in my cousin in law's babymoon. For those of you who do not know, a babymoon is like a honeymoon, only you do something fun before the baby comes rather than after you get married. Make sense? Okay, good.

Since she is almost about to have this kid, we had to do something low key and local. How about a spa day? Um, okay.

So off we went. Note to spa goers--Costco (or the Price Club, as we old schoolers like to call it) has spafinder gift cards. This means you pay $79.99 for a gift card that can be used at any particpating spa (which can be found at http://www.spafinder.com/). But here's the great part--the gift cards are worth $100! For you non math majors out there, that's a 20% discount.

Our spa of choice was Comfort and Joy Spa in Fairfax (http://www.comfortjoy.com/). Don't be fooled by the fact that it's in a half empty strip mall...or that you are greeted with a big sign that just says "Day Spa." The place is amazing (and has been written up numerous times in The Washingtonian, in addition to having great (albeit four) reviews on Yelp.com).

Everything the spa uses is organic, so you can feel all special and green and not indulgent in the least. You're protecting the environment, dammit! The inside of the spa is bigger than it looks from the outside...it's not as serene and spa like as others I've been to (ie Lansdowne and Hershey) but it was agreeable. What was not agreeable was the lipstick all over the glasses of water we were offered. Gross.

On to the treatments. My companions each had a one hour massage--one regular, one prenatal. The prenatal massage was executed by a very small, female masseuse. As such, it wasn't as beneficial, tough, or relaxing as it could have been. The other massage was without complaint.

As one who does not enjoy massages, I opted for a scrub/wrap combo. Specifically, the One Hour Cornucopia Head to Toe Wrap. Here's how they describe it: "Relax as your body is buffed from head to toe with Amaize Organics© products. Begin with a blue cornmeal foot scrub, follow that with a red cornmeal body scrub, then enjoy an aromatherapy wrap and top it all off with a yellow cornmeal body crème application. Includes a mini facial." It was, to say the least, amazing. I had a great masseuse who applied just the right amount of pressure. Everything from the scrub to the added bonus of the facial was fabulous and I felt extremely relaxed. I was able to free my mind of the stress I had been feeling and enjoy my hour (it was really 75 minutes) of pampering.

All in all, and for what it was worth, this was a great spa experience. Taking all of our treatments and our opinions of them to come up with a median rating, I'd give it a 7.5 out of 10.

Since my computer keeps telling me it has graciously detected a virus, I'm going to save my review of our lunch spot, Ray's Hell Burger, until later...

I know I have good taste and all but...

2009-05-11T09:56:00.002-04:00

Dear Mr. President and Mrs. Obama,

I just wanted to let you know how much I appreciate the fact that you're getting out there and enjoying the city which you now call home. Why are you all of a sudden going to all the restaurants I really like? And making the lines hours long for weeks afterward? I know that Ray's Hell Burger and Good Stuff Eatery are delicious venues from where to grab a burger. Trust me, I know. But, please? Could you start enjoying your White House chef a a little more? Or at least let me know the next time you'll be venturing out...so I can be there, too.

Thanks,
Me

It just keeps getting better

2009-05-06T13:15:00.001-04:00

Wow. This is going to be a train wreck. Interesting insight from the paramour's brother. He is also her roommate. Says their walls are thin. Calls the noises coming through the walls "nast." Ha! I can't wait to see the rampage Kate is going to embark upon...and wonder to whom she will sell her exclusive story.

http://www.usmagazine.com/news/jon-and-kate-dads-three-month-affair-confirmed-200955

I think it's weird...

2009-05-06T13:11:00.001-04:00

...that a majority of the people who work in my new office bring all their sandwich fixins to work every day and keep them at their desks. I'm talking about loaves of bread, bottles of mustard, entire bags of chips. Weird? I understand the deliciousness of a fresh sandwich, but still...I have never seen such a thing. It's like a pandemic.

Wanted: Headline writer, US Weekly

2009-04-30T10:24:00.002-04:00

Really? Look at the title of today's big story at usmagazine.com:

Elizabeth Edwards: John's Affair Made Me Throw Up

So many things wrong with that, the least of which is that it ends in a preposition.

That is all. You may now go back to what you were doing.

Don't call it a comeback.

2009-04-29T14:15:00.003-04:00

If this (http://www.usmagazine.com/news/jon-and-kate-dad-caught-with-other-woman-2009284) is true, I would seriously consider venturing back into the world of divorce lawyering. I'd have to become barred in Pennsylvania, of course. And one of them would have to retain my services. And I'd have to be able to prove that I could handle such a high profile case after being on a five year legal hiatus and with only 18 months experience prior. But whatever.

Jon Gosselin, are you effing out of your mind?!?! I know you think you're hot stuff since your whole hair implant procedure but, seriously. Seriously? Do you not know who your wife is? And what a raging bitch she can be? And that she's going to grab you by your you know whats and seriously take you for all you're worth? Child support?? For eight kids?? JON!

Not sure what the laws are in Pennsylvania, but whatever they may be, this is surely not going to be easy or pretty for either of them. If, of course, it's true. But, our gossip Bible is rarely ever wrong...

First comes love, then comes marriage, then comes Speidi with a baby carriage?

2009-04-28T18:16:00.003-04:00

So one of today's watercooler polls on www.people.com is whether website visitors think that Speidi should have a baby. I, of course, voted a big fat um NO. But, surprisingly, the majority of those voting said YES. YES!!

I hope that these people were joking. Otherwise...

What would you do for <3?

2009-04-27T22:44:00.003-04:00

So this Craigslist killer...I'm a bit intrigued. It's gossipy and sordid and horrific and just, well, shocking.

But what's more shocking is this: http://www.people.com/people/article/0,,20275150,00.html?xid=rss-topheadlines. Really? Even after the article, today, that stated that Markoff told his family that a lot of stuff was going to come out about him and that they should move away and forget him? Even after there is video showing him with the victims? And email correspondence between him and multiple people?

Yes, I believe we are all innocent until proven guilty. But this is just weird. Weird! And there is so much mounting evidence.

I mean, I know love makes us do strange things and keeps us connected to people who would best be pushed aside and forgotten. But this is serious business, Megan. Serious. Business. Do you really plan to stand by his side? And marry him if he is exonerated? Or even if not? And if so, why?? I just really want to know. That, there, may be an even better story. It's like Intervention...what in this girl's life brought her to the point where she can be supportive of, and stick with, a fiance who has been accused of multiple murders and various other things that are unbecoming of a man with a fiance?

This week, on RH-NYC.

2009-04-22T18:13:00.008-04:00

So, it's no secret that I am obsessed with RH-NYC. There is always so much I can say about the antics of my six sassy socialites.

This week's episode was more interesting than last week's episode (though nothing, NOTHING, could compete with Kelly's "jog" last week).

Let's start with LuAnn, our favorite countess. Victoria misses Rosie because she isn't used to doing things for herself...like hanging up her coat and getting a glass of water. Yes, you heard me. Sadly, that was about as interesting as they got this week. Except for the fact that The Countess decided to dress up as Pochahontas for Halloween. Because, you know, she is part American Indian. You know, the part that isn't White Trash.

Jill Zarin. Love. Her. Though her BBC radio interview was...vapid. They ask her about the economy and she says she's felt it because benefactors aren't donating to her charity. Really? That proves the economy is bad? How about people not having jobs? And losing their houses? Oh, you don't know about that because you're too busy overseeing Gay Husband Brad redecorate your apartment (it has been seven years, after all) and carrying around your $16K new [hideous] bag. Thank goodness she redeemed herself by saying she's elevator friendly.

Kelly. Kelly, Kelly, Kelly. "Taking pictures is really...it's not easy at all." Ugh. Kelly. Kelly, Kelly, Kelly. "Are my legs open or crossed?" Seriously? And her idea to have herself be the "A" on her Halloween invitation? Brilliant. She overestimates the indiocy of her friends. I took a little bit of secret pleasure in the fact that her party, the one that she was two hours late for, was a disaster. What kind of person throws a party with a cash bar, btw? Certainly the proceeds weren't going to charity, since we know Kelly doesn't like to be associated with anything.

Alex and Simon (because he is an honorary housewife). So. Much. To. Say. A feedbag corset, Simon? A feedbag corset??? Did Alex really need to simulate a metal detector in searching for her surprise and vocalize the "deet deet deet deet deet" as she approached the corset? As if it were a treasure? Ugh. Beautiful, Alex, is not the word for it. Not every husband would pick that out for his wife, Alex, because not every husband is a couture loving boy lover like yours is. The best part is when Alex says that she really wants to wear the corset in "as public a place as possible" as if national television and a cult following isn't public enough. And the whole Halloween scene...wow. Children? With knives? You Van Kampens better get that parenting book published, stat! PS, guys, your whole "Brooklyn is so much better than Manhattan for raising kids" speech is obviously your veiled attempt for trying to justify why you live there and not in the city with all of your cronies. There's nothing wrong with Brooklyn, stop trying to make excuses. And you didn't look like Sara Palin, Alex. But thank you, Simon, for wearing a full body moose costume.

Ramona. For once, I don't have much to say about her, other than she was her usual gesticulating, high on something self. Did love how Avery was so critical of Ramona's pregnant pauses, though.

Bethenny. Not enough of her this episode. Some one-liners would've made the rest of this a bit more palpable. Bethenny's big scenes this week were with Jill, while they checked out the benefit site and planned the menu. Boring. However, her rant about Kelly thinking she's Gisele and thinking she's fabulosity was pretty Awesome. Roller Girl doesn't care!

Good Stuff.

2009-04-20T21:24:00.003-04:00

So tonight I got to celebrate my birthday (12 days later, but who cares) at the restaurant of my choice. My choice? Good Stuff Eatery, the downtown burger joint owned by Top Chef's Spike Mendelsohn.

All in all, it was a tasty experience. Everyone seemed to enjoy the burgers. My burger had muenster and cheddar, caramelized onions, mushrooms, and special sauce. I will say that, if I had to choose again, I'd get the plain fries instead of the rosemary and thyme flavored ones. The complimentary mayo bar was a treat--Old Bay, chipotle, sriracha, and mango. I was disappointed in the classic wedge salad mostly because...well, it wasn't a wedge. It was all of the components of a wedge, served with chopped up iceberg and topped with fried vidalia onion rings. Unlike me, I found the bacon and blue cheese combination to be a tad bit too salty.

I think the highlight of everyone's meal were the milkshakes we saved for dessert. Between us, we had a vanilla, a black and white, a strawberry, a Milky Way, and a toasted marshmallow (Good Stuff's specialty). And a root beer float. We may have had one or more of one or more of these. The variety was delightful.

If I had to rate this place on a scale of one to five, I'd give it a strong 3.75. I'd knock it up to a 4.0 if I had a picture of myself and Spike to share with you all. But, alas, he was elusive...in and out, with his fedora and without. But I saw him. And that, my friends was enough.

Natalee Holloway inspires comeback

2009-04-20T16:53:00.002-04:00

Hello, and welcome back to Borrowing (and causing) t-r-o-u-b-l-e. I think, this time, I'm back for real. I hope I still have a legion of followers. If not, must begin campaign to recruit said followers.

So, hi!

Last night, I hosted a viewing party for the premiere of the Lifetime Original Movie (LOM) aptly and so creatively titled The Natalee Holloway Story. It was? A disappointment.

The party, however, was a raging success. The theme was "Southern Comfort Food"--we would've gone with an Aruba theme but they kind of lack in the authentic cuisine department. That being said, our menu was spectacular: macaroni and cheese, pork bbq, spinach and artichoke dip (Paula Deen's recipe, so that made it Southern), hash brown casserole, and fried pickles. But, friends, the piece de resistance was the signature beverage (a la Bethenny Frankel) of the evening: the Slutty Arnold Palmer.

What is this, you might ask?

Well, apparently the rage around the flavor infused vodka world is Firefly Sweet Tea vodka (http://www.fireflyvodka.com/). Mix it up with some lemonade and you've got yourself a non-virgin Arnold Palmer. Thus, a Slutty Arnold Palmer. Take a moment and think about how this goes with the theme...aside, of course, from sweet tea being Southern. Got it? It's the slutty! Natalee Holloway...

Now, I'm not being libelous here. And if you gave up 120 minutes of your life [that you can't get back] like we all did last night, then, well, you'd know what I'm talking about.

She's baaaaaack.

2008-04-18T10:15:00.003-04:00

It seems as though all those around me have either resurrected their blogs or started new ones. Being one to jump on the "this is cool" bandwagon, I may just do the same.

Wow, so much has gone on in the last 17 months. I couldn't possibly do a recap. So, instead, I will grace you with my presence, today, in the form of this: my own welcome back (!) post. I promise to provide you with my [obviously much missed] takes on the entertainment world and all that annoys and bothers me. I know you can't wait.

So, hi.

The Real World, Denver.

2006-11-29T23:14:00.000-04:00

I swore I wouldn't watch this. I did. But, yet again, I've been sucked in. This time, I was enthralled by the wisdom that came out of Jenn's mouth. Here are some of her best nuggets. Please note, it was difficult to pick one "character" on which to focus. I am even refraining from commenting on the comments. And you know how hard that is.

"I realized, oh my god, we're having sex."

"They're both hot, so it works."

"I didn't even get to put the cake in the oven before I burned it."

"Oh my god, don't say that [I have a hickey]! Oh my god, Colie."

"Colie's totally going to be in my wedding."

On a side note, do you really need to straighten your hair with your shirt off in the communal bathroom, Colie? And, Alex's mom, take note: he does not have good character if he's sleeping with two girls (roommates, even) in less than 36 hours). Colie, you can't be exclusive after one "date." Mr. Emo, Alex? Really? What a sacrifice: a pact not to make out with other people for 24 hours. OMG. Colie might be worse than the stupid annoying Paula from last season (but equally eating disordered).

Geez, I should've just blogged about the whole damn episode. But I'm better than that. At least this week.

Geez, Britney.

2006-11-27T13:36:00.000-04:00

What's with the Britney + Paris = LOVE?

And, why are LLo and the Olsen twins hanging out with Paris again? Are times that down and out in Beverly Hills that they are recycling friends? I'd like to think it's because Brit's on the scene now and they want to ride her coattails as she makes her anticipated comeback...

Discrepencies.

2006-11-21T15:25:00.000-04:00

Perez Hilton is saying JSimp is dating John Mayer.

MSNBC is saying she and Cowboys' quarterback Tony Romo (haha Tony Romas is where she and Nick used to always go...) are an item.

Who are we to believe??

Woof, woof, Kanye.

2006-11-20T09:52:00.000-04:00

Wow. He never ceases to amaze me. Aside from the obvious grammar issues:

“If it wasn’t for race mixing there’d be no video girls,” West is quoted as saying in the January issue of Essence magazine. “Me and most of our friends like mutts a lot. Yeah, in the hood they call ’em mutts.”

Election update.

2006-11-08T19:06:00.000-04:00

Nancy Pelosi, not Stacey Carosi, is slate[r]d to be the new Speaker of the House come January.

K-Fed needs a reality check.

2006-11-08T18:44:00.000-04:00

Here are some highlights from [the ever so articulate and insightful] Kevin Federline's last interview before Brit Brit blasted him with her divorce petition (ps, Brit, irreconilable differences is a big, fat Hollywood cop out. We want dets).

Does she support you?
She supports me. I support her. I mean, you know, it's simple. It's one word. And that word is love. And I got a lot of love for her.

Is it hard being away from them?
Man, it is hard. It's hard. I mean, I've got a little bit of experience in it, you know, I've had to be away from my other kids, so having to do that I really know how it feels. When it gets to me I think about them and know I'll be there soon.
*Um, Kev, I think you chose to be away from your other kids. Your affair with Britney made you "have to be" away from them. Get a grip.

Have you worked with Britney on her album?
I haven't done anything with her yet. There's been talk about it but we'll see what happens.
*Anyone want to predict the future of this one? (Let's do it two ways and see if the outcome is different: (1) since divorce papers were filed (2) if they never had been)

Are you in touch?
Of course. *does being in touch through lawyers count? Well, she's recording now too so that's why it's gonna be real hard. *Or, she's just not that into you.

...With lots of communication?
All the time, all the time. It's not like we fight or anything all the time. It's just, you know, it gets tiring when you're up all night with the kids and you gotta go to work the next day *waaaahhhhhh, welcome to the world, K-Fed. and me and her have to learn to find time for me and her. *Or she and I, whatever.

Everything is not about you, Meredith.

2006-11-02T22:44:00.000-04:00

I usually dislike Christina, but she had the best line of the night tonight.

And, this girl who burned herself so she didn't have to take the Bar for the fifth time. I feel her pain, I do. But come on now. This is obviously not in real time, because the Bar is only given in February and July. And it is neither really hot nor really cold in Seattle this evening.

Temporary suspension of disbelief, Lala.

The day in pictures.

2006-11-02T17:03:00.000-04:00

Wow, what happened to Jennifer? Aside from the fact that she is WAY too skinny, she looks horrible. Even if she is smiling and we all know that you're never fully dressed without a smile.
Ash is looking so much like Jessica these days...on purpose? In fact, at first glance, I thought it was JSimp.
Some days, I wish I were famous. More for the money than the attention. Look at all of those razzi hanging out waiting to take L-Lo's picture. No wonder she goes crazy sometimes. And, what's with the AA chip? Reminds me of the end of When A Man Loves A Woman. Sigh.

I don't even know what to say.

Say it ain't so.

2006-10-30T15:39:00.000-04:00

Per their very own reps, Reese and Ryan have separated. Yes, many of us suspected that this would one day occur, but it is sad nevertheless. Sad, sad, sad. Poor Reese.

When did I start liking football?

2006-10-26T22:53:00.000-04:00

Not only did I watch every episode of Two A Days (at least once, if not more), I am now almost all caught up with Friday Night Lights. I'm glad that I didn't delete all four episodes as I went through a [typical] OCD DVR list cleaning frenzy.

I feel so bad for poor little Matt. He has so much pressure. Poor little guy. Why is everyone mean to him? Football is a team sport. It doesn't all fall on his shoulders.

And, is Jason ever going to walk again? Will Lila really stay with him? Or is this going to turn out a la Dive From Clausen's Pier?

I have been staring at the name "Kyle Chandler" for every episode, wondering from where I know this Coach Taylor. Then it hit me: I do not know Kyle Chandler, I know Heather Chandler. RIP.

Hubba hubba.

2006-10-23T21:30:00.000-04:00

McSteamy can make me an omelette any time.

Of course they are.

2006-10-20T09:12:00.000-04:00

Is Lauren ever going to learn her lesson about not going after Kristin's sloppy seconds? Who's next, Nick Lachey?

Do they keep Jessica around...

2006-10-19T14:50:00.000-04:00

...because she's kind of cute and everyone else (male or female) on this season of Laguna Beach is, well, fug?

At the risk of getting my head torn off...

2006-10-18T13:41:00.000-04:00

I'm going to say that I. Love. Christopher.

I am so glad that Lorelei's baby daddy has reappeared on the scene in Stars Hollow. He is so much better for Lor than Luke ever was or will be.

I know true GG fans will hate me for saying it, but I do not like Luke and Lorelei together. Luke is a thug and so not attractive. Christopher, on the other hand...that goodnight kiss they shared after seeing Snakes on a Plane was true chemistry.

And that date! Seriously. Men (ha, like any read this), take note: a convertible, an obscure drive-in and a classic movie (plus snacks! lots of snacks!) is the way to a girl's heart. Actually, any date where you actually think about what you're going to do is a good one.

Just so you know...

2006-10-11T12:39:00.000-04:00

Eva Longoria and Tony Parker are "working things out."
Mel Gibson's been off the sauce for 65 days.
Vince Vaughn has moved on.
Tara Reid comes clean. Like we (1) needed you to waste an Us Weekly cover (2) didn't already know all of this (3) care.
Nicole's making friends all over the place.

Fight! Fight!

2006-10-11T12:37:00.000-04:00

McDreamy or Burke? Who would win if they actually went to blows?

I had no idea...

2006-09-30T17:54:00.000-04:00

...that the Noxema girl (ie Dylan McKay's dead wife aka that actress who ran over a kid on a bike aka Rebecca Gayheart) is married to Dr. McSteamy!

All kinds of intense.

2006-09-28T18:56:00.000-04:00

Wow. Where did One Tree Hill get all this drama? I could barely breathe watching the first scene. I stopped watching last season after the whole Columbine reenactment. But now I'm back (because there's really not anything else on television on Wednesday night).

I missed the whole Keith getting killed thing. But I guess it caused some serious drama, especially since Deb apparently saw it happen and Karen is pregnant. And, speaking of this pregnancy, that means the baby is Lucas's half-brother and cousin. Weird.

Deb needs to get rid of the ho makeup and lose the extensions. She's not young and hip, no matter what she thinks. And this whole Peyton/Brooke/Luke triangle is getting interesting. The animosity between Brooke and Lucas is palpable; funny what a quickie marriage and even quicker divorce can do to a couple.

Did you know I used to have Chad Michael Murray's phone number? No joke. I was in LA and a friend of a friend, who worked at some agency of some sort, allegedly hung out with him a lot. We were out and this girl was with us and she wanted to call him to meet up with us, but her phone was dead. So she used my phone. To call him. And I saved it under "Chad." When I finally got the guts to call him myself, someone else's name was on the voice mail. Thanks for nothing, friend of a friend. (Like I wouldn't have giggled and hung up if he had answered.)

Random viewing, random thoughts.

2006-09-27T21:42:00.000-04:00

I like The Biggest Loser but I hate how they dedicate their weight losses and start crying while they're on the scale. Is it really that emotional? I also wish they would show more "scenes" where they are eating and what they eat. I think that would kind of be like looking in the refrigerator on Cribs house tours.
What's with all these movie stars making their way to the small screen? Off the top of my head I can think of eight (Erika Christense, Jay Hernandez, Amanda Peet, Tom Skerrit, Sally Field (in two shows!), Balthazaar Getty, Campbell Scott and Alec Baldwin)!
Million Dollar Listing started off entertaining but is now boring. I know all the damn real estate terms. When's Real Housewives of Orange County coming back? That is a Bravo show worth our time.
Friday Night Lights looks promising...at least the soundtrack for its commercials is good.
Jim comes back to the Scranton office this week!
Lorelei just needs to decide that she and Christopher are meant to be. Luke sucks. I have never liked him; I realize this puts me in the minority. But, seriously.
My favorite new show is Brothers and Sisters. Who knew Calista Flockhart could play a not-so-annoying character? And I love that the kid from Reunion is on it.

Yucky.

2006-09-25T22:21:00.000-04:00

Who ever thought Ashlee would look better than Jessica?

I want to punch Michael Scott in the face.

2006-09-21T21:00:00.000-04:00

But wow for his message at the end. I won't say anything else, because I don't want to give anything away.

That's what she said. Ha.

Paris Hilton's new role models...

2006-09-19T14:29:00.000-04:00

...are apparently Milli Vanilli. Lala has learned (thanks to Uncle Danny), that Paris is being accused of faking her vocals on her la[te]st album. There's a lot of controversy surrounding this, but lbh, are any of us surprised?

Cake.

2006-09-17T09:21:00.000-04:00

After a day filled with booties, blankets and, yes, cookies and cake, I was exhausted. Sitting on the couch last night, I came across a star-filled movie that I had never heard of...it was called Cake and it starred Heather Graham, Sandra Oh, Taye Diggs, Cheryl Hines and, my favorite David Sutcliff (of Gilmore Girls fame).

The story was a bit silly but entertaining nonetheless. It's probably on semi-heavy rotation on Lifetime Movie Network. Check it out, if for nothing else than Mr. Sutcliff.

Brangelina are getting married...

2006-09-09T09:10:00.000-04:00

...at half past never.

Per an article on msnbc.com this morning, Mr. Pitt has made the bold statement that he and Angie won't be marrying until "the restrictions on who can marry whom are dropped."

He and she will "consider tying the knot when everyone else in the country who wants to be married is legally able.” Ha, even then they will just consider it?

Way to buy some time, friends.

The Emancipation of Lala.

2006-09-08T10:51:00.000-04:00

To all you haters out there who made fun of my plans with Brown Sara and CB last night I have this to say: you totally missed out on an AWESOME time. Guilty pleasures be damned.

Yes, I went to the Mariah Carey concert. And, yes, I had a marvelous time. I would venture to say that it was one of the most fun concert experiences I've had in a while. Perhaps this is because BS, CB and I knew all the songs. Or perhaps it's because we experienced and/or observed any number of the following:

Making friends with not one but two 50+ year old couples at the bar at Clydes. I swear, if CB could've taken home Steve's girlfriend and made her her new bestie, she would've. Note to [much] older men who are obviously on a first date: do not attempt to feed cute, trendy 20 somethings food off your fork. And, really, do not touch us. Specifically, CB.
If you're in med school and have an anatomy test tomorrow, stay home and study. Do not bring your flashcards to the concert. And, if you do, do not engage the entire row in front of you in helping you learn that the shoulder bone's connected to the arm bone.
Bachelorette parties at concerts = bad. Bachelorette parties at Mariah Carey concerts = worse. Bachelorette parties where the bride is 22 = horrible. (PS, we know your friends are still in college and some might not be old enough to drink. But don't worry, we won't tell on you).
It is beyond awesome when the entire row in front of you is filled with overly exuberant men who know all the words to all the songs and are belting them out...while making all the appropriate dance moves. Putting your hand to your ear and doing the Jessica Simpson singing thing, t00, is awesome. You are our idols. Especially if you know the back up vocals, too.
Um, nice little in memoriam for ODB. RIP.
Costume changes are a great way for you to learn all the hip new jams, as the DJ plays them and everyone around you knows all the words and appropriate dance moves. Except you. But it's okay, because you vow to start listening to the radio instead of your sappy iPod mixes, put together by DJ Slit Your Wrists (ps the wrist bone's connected to the hand...which has A LOT of bones).
Even if your seats are at the very top of the arena, you can still have a kick ass time.

I heart football.

2006-09-07T12:55:00.000-04:00

Well, high school football. Actually, only Hoover High School football.

I think Two-A-Days has replaced Laguna Beach as my teenage melodrama obsession. It's funny...I got home late yesterday and missed both shows, yet wanted to see the drama that was going on in Alabama more than I wanted to see what was happening in the 'Guna.

Out of all sports, football is probably my least favorite. Yet, I find myself enthralled by the game footage of the Bucs. Seriously, I almost started crying yesterday when they lost to Tuscaloosa County.

I am intrigued by the kid who also plays in the marching band and sings show tunes on the way to school. I wonder if Repete's dad's name is Pete. What really happened between Keagan and Alex? Are Goose and Kristen going to hook up? Will Ross ever live up to the standards his brother John Parker set? These are all things I want to know.

What I do not need to know is how the season ended for our mighty Bucs. Because I have all kinds of connections, I know firsthand, from an actual Hoover student, what went down. I will not spoil it, no worries.

No brainer.

2006-09-04T19:42:00.000-04:00

If you have half a brain, that is...

Before you met me, you were nothing.

2006-08-25T15:34:00.001-04:00

I'm not sure how good of an idea this is.

Does Heathers really need a sequel? I'd say not as much as Christian Slater and Winona Ryder need kick starts to their respective careers.

Like Teen Witch, Heathers is a movie I hold closely to my heart. Every single day after school in the eighth grade, I'd come home and stick Heathers into the VCR. I had a crush on Christian Slater that rivaled that which I had previously had on Kirk Cameron. I knew every word, every nuance (sadly, I still might, if prompted).

Through its marvelous dialogue I learned the meaning of the word "myriad." And still, whenever I use it or hear it, I see a picture of Heather Chandler grabbing her throat, uttering "CORN NUTS," and falling through the glass table [that we all have as furniture centerpieces in our bedrooms].

I still enjoy the movie. I wonder how this sequel is going to be...if it will live up to the legacy left by its predecessor. There is so much goodness in all of the original's badness. It would be a shame to malign its character with a shoddy sequel.

(Thanks for making this news, DC Universe.)

Supersonic idiotic.

2006-08-25T11:52:00.000-04:00

One of my favorite movies (and by favorite I mean for memory's sake, not because it is a cinematic classic or because it has a fine cast of actors) is Teen Witch. Actually, the movie really sucks but there is one scene (and I know you know the one) that anyone who has been victim to the movie knows.

Yes, friends, I'm talking about "Top That."

As one of my good friends recently relayed, after I sent her this video link, "[I have seen Teen Witch and] I SO HATED THAT SCENE. it makes my stomach hurt from embarrassment. HOWEVER, as i do with the movie, i watched the whole thing. and now i can't stop laughing."

Thanks to my pop-culture maven brother, I was introduced, today, to Andy Samberg's documentary about Dude-atude, the "rap group" so awesomely portrayed in the movie. This is awesome. The guy is a genius. If only he'd realize that dating Kirsten "I need to recognize that a bra with underwire is essential" Dunst is a bad idea. (I apologize for Blogger being an asshole; if he weren't, I could post the video directly on here. But, alas...)

NOTE: once the documentary is over, make sure to close out of the box, as the last few seconds are really NSFW. Really.

So, kids, enjoy.

And, there's nothing I can do to get the song out of your head.

Moms: the latest Cali fashion accessory.

2006-08-24T09:55:00.000-04:00

See post below.

Then, turn your attention to last night's episode of Laguna Beach (I know you won't believe this, but at some points during the episode I thought to myself that I couldn't handle it and that I might need to stop watching. The thought quickly passed.).

It was a boring episode. Tessa needs to spice things up a little bit and not be so mousy and moony over Chase.
I still contend that, when I was in high school, boys did not look like that. Before I get the "ew, gross, they're in high school" comments please note: I am not saying they are "total hotties" or that I find them attractive. I am simply saying they look much more mature than the geeks who roamed my high school's halls.
Like, I think that, like, they can't speak in, like, complete sentences without, like, throwing in the word, like, random. This reminds me of my favorite episode of Family Ties, when Jennifer gets "in" with the cool kids and "runs away," leaving a note on the table in the living room. The Keatons find it and begin reading it, only to find they don't understand one word of it because it's written in Valley Girl, the language of the era. So one of them (probably Alex) suggests reading every third word...and it goes something like this: "like like like like like like like."
What's with all the moms at Rocky's house for the pre-party. I find it hard to believe that they're all friends. It's more likely that they are all [attention] whores. And then Jessica's mom at lunch? Where did she come from? And someone please tell me why I think that Jessica is really "poor." Is she? Or is she just less rich than the others?
And, again with the sushi, Cameron. Eat something else, please. You surely didn't get that "OMG hot bod" from spicy tuna and California rolls.
Still. Hate. Cami. And that snippet in the credits where she's on a boat in a white bikini and captain's hat is a little too Pamela Anderson for my taste.
Need to know about this time when Tessa was "sick" and how Chase stood by her. Sick? With what? A hangover? Mono? Cancer? We need to know!

Remember, you heard it here first.

2006-08-24T09:54:00.000-04:00

Brody, his mom, and his "new pal" Nicole.

Sloppy seconds.

2006-08-23T10:12:00.000-04:00

Per a caption on People's website today, Nicole Richie has found a "new pal" in recently single Brody Jenner. Interesting.

What would Kristin think about this?

On a Nicole Richie note...I was pleasantly surprised by DJ AM's "performance" on Entourage on Sunday. He wasn't nearly as swarmy and icky as I expected him to be. And, speaking of Entourage, I thought it was pretty damn funny how everyone in LA knows everyone's shoe size.

I have a new hero.

2006-08-22T13:38:00.000-04:00

And her name is Hellen Buttigieg.

Last night, in the oblivion that was Monday night television, I ran across my new favorite show on the Discovery Home channel. It is called neat. And it is just that.

This woman Hellen comes into disheveled homes and de-clutters them. She makes people throw their stuff away and make room for themselves (and, ultimately, happiness). Keeping knick-knacks and mementos and crap not only clutters your house, it clutters your psyche and your well-being. Give away that old sweater--putting it in the charity pile will free you!

Ok, so some of it was a little cheesey (like her lectures about holding on to the past/being afraid of the future) but overall it was a marvelous waste of 30 minutes. So much so, in fact, that it is now on permanent DVR record status.

Be still my OCD heart, Hellen has a Certificate of Study in Chronic Disorganization from the National Study Group on Chronic Disorganization (NSGCD). And she is a life coach. I need to be her.

Everybody's talkin' all this stuff about him...

2006-08-21T21:24:00.000-04:00

By now you've seen and heard and been inundated with KFed this and KFed that and KFed sucked and KFed will never make it. Which is all true.

I feel bad for him, in a weird way. Only because the dude has no effing clue how much he sucks. Or maybe he does and doesn't care. Which makes me sad for SPF. I mean, the poor kid gets voted worst dressed male by Esquire (through no fault of his own) and now he has to deal with a dad who either (1) sucks at life (2) sucks and doesn't even know it (3) sucks, knows it, and doesn't care (4) all of the above.

To take you into the weekend...

2006-08-18T15:17:00.000-04:00

You will not believe who CaCee Cobb's new boyfriend is.
Becca, sister of Corky, (and also of The Face on the Milk Carton and countless other fantastic made for tv movies) is pregnant, if you care. Her husband is pretty cute.
Hey, Jennifer. You know those pants you're wearing? They're on fire.
Oh, poor JLove. Sad.
Trash.
Katie Couric is trying really hard to be hip.

Poor Chris.

2006-08-18T10:03:00.000-04:00

Still stuck on Katie, I see. Look at how much Ginnifer Goodwin (our favorite Big Love wife) looks like [pre-Scientology infused life, devil spawn bearing] Katie Holmes.

So, then, what's the point?

2006-08-17T17:33:00.000-04:00

No more goodie bags at awards shows. What's the point of being famous now?

Take a dip in the testosterone pool.

2006-08-16T23:03:00.000-04:00

Kyndra has really white teeth. And really square nails.
I like Tessa. She’s like the Taylor of the new cast.
“I don’t understand the point of a clique…why would you want to let no one in and let no one out?” Um, because that’s the point of a clique.
"Poor Jessica,” says Cami. “Story of her life,” says Kyndra. AWESOME.
The Alexes are the only ones who know all the words to Ashlee’s “L-O-V-E.”
Hung-dizzle. Alex M. is hung-dizzle.
Did guys have facial hair when I was in high school?
WTF is Jessica doing back? Hasn’t she learned not to be part of love triangles?
Cameron’s not that cute. Is it because I’m in my [cough] late 20s? He kind of looks like Jordan, Heid’s ex beau.
I do not like Cami. She is not cute. She is a bitch. And I hate how she speaks. Racquel. Not Racquel. And does she need to say barbecue like she is a redneck?
I don't like the band thing, but I want Chase to love Tessa. And to unclump her eyelashes.
Haha, when Jessica asks Cameron how school is, she means high school. She’s still acting like she’s in high school—picking fights, stealing Cameron’s cell phone, rolling her eyes. She obvi didn’t learn her lesson with JWahl.
“Guys just suck," says Jessica. "They all just lie and connive…do you not know who my ex-boyfriend is?” Says Cameron, “You can’t base your opinion on our worse specimen.” Well said, dumb boy. Well said.
Does Cameron eat anything other than sushi?
Who eats Moringstar Farms at a barbecue?
Super and random are the new adjectives.
Ugh, you don’t “own” your boys, Kyndra. They just stick around because, as Tessa said, you don’t have morals.
Jessica saying Cameron is not dumb really means nothing to me. She dated Jason. Compared to Jason…
Again, where are the parents?
I love “butt hurt.” Kyndra is butt hurt because Cameron doesn’t like her and likes Jessica. I don’t think he likes Jessica, but if Kyndra wants to be butt hurt about it, so be it.
What’s with the mismatched bathing suits all over the place?
Breanna should not be asking LC for friend advice. Skin care advice, maybe.

Creeper.

2006-08-16T16:39:00.000-04:00

noun. The celebrity with whom you would be allowed to make out if you were (1) to meet him or her in person and if you (2) were otherwise attached to a non-celebrity.

This week's episode of Entourage (which, by the way, was one of the best in weeks...sadly, I was beginning to lose interest) portrayed this scenario quite nicely. Some random, Haylie Duff looking girl innocently (ahem) approached Vince (yum) in the bookstore ("I read books.") and tells him to watch out for the 'razzi. Turns into a romp in the hay (as all meetings with Vince and strange women do) and Vince soon comes to find out that this girl is engaged and that their rendez vous is okay, because he's on her "list."

Now, I know all of us who are entrenched in the world of pop culture have our celebrity crushes (no, I do not care about the hooker incident of '95). And we have our lists. But what are the chances that something like that would happen to us? I mean, I like the bookstore. And I've been to LA. But I bet you there is zippy chance that if I went to a bookstore in LA, Vincent Chase would be there. And, even if he were, I think my fear of seeing a celebrity and not recognizing him before it's too late would totally be realized. And, if not, I'd be too afraid (ie self conscious) to go talk to him. If he talked to me, I'd probably giggle and walk away.

Anyway, there's really no point to this other than to recognize that it was a good storyline, that Entourage is returning to its old ways of entertaining and I can't believe E dates Nicky Hilton in real life.

Threesome.

2006-08-16T16:36:00.000-04:00

Brandon Davis looks like Uncle Jesse. Nicky has chunked out a bit, it seems. And Paris is...well, Paris.

Here's to you, [ex] Mrs. Robinson

2006-08-14T16:17:00.000-04:00

Little Ryder Russell Robinson is going to grow up in a broken home.

Kate Hudson and Chris Robinson are dunzo, Brown Sara (courtesy of People) reports.

Surprised? Opinions in the Lala world seem to vary.

Kate, herself, has never sugar coated marriage. She was recently quoted in Elle as saying, "I don’t like this idea of the perfect marriage. People can be in love madly and deeply and go through so much and still end up together. That’s what you hope for." Or they can go through so much and end up d-i-v-o-r-c-e-d. So sad. Really.

She went on to say that, "No one should get married if they think it’s going to be a fairytale."

"Were not good friends and were not enemys"

2006-08-13T20:40:00.000-04:00

Sic.

Jason Wahler is brilliant. I tell you, Laguna Beach and The Hills did not do this genius justice. MTv totally played up the dumb, high school drop out, incapable of speaking a coherent sentence, unable to understand simple ideas thing to make LC's ultimate choice (Jason over Paris) more believable. Or not.

Please go and read Jason's manifesto about why he and Lauren broke up. It's awesome. To do my usual breakdown of all things wrong would take too long, so I leave it for you to read, at your leisure. Once you have finished, and if your head is not hurting, please go on and read his other MySpace blog entries. Of special interest should be the inside jokes he has with his random buddies and his answers to FAQ.

Who is writing my horoscope?

2006-08-11T14:00:00.000-04:00

Aries March 21 - April 19
For Friday, August 11 -Trends, fashion and pop culture are a valid part of your life, but if given too much priority in your life, they could divert time and money that could be better spent elsewhere. Focus your efforts and thoughts on things that are permanent. The latest fads are good for a bit of entertainment and that's about it. Your morals and your personal philosophy need attention ... you need to swing the pendulum back in the direction of substance and away from style.

"You don't know me, stupid horoscope writer. You don't know about my fine morals (sometimes too fine) and my investing prowess," she says, as she leaves for a girls' spa weekend with a bag full of gossip magazines to read in the car.

I mean, if you can't make fun of your extremely multi-faceted self...

It's a Hard Knock Life.

2006-08-11T12:38:00.000-04:00

Apparently, Mr. Hatch of Survivor fame is claiming that life in prison is difficult.

Hmm. Who would've imagined it?

He's also saying that he was unethically prosecuted. I'm sorry you got in trouble for not paying taxes on your million dollar win. So. Sorry. And for perjury.

At least he's doing worthwhile things while incarcerated...he's helping inmates study for their GEDs and is helping with job hunting skills. Maybe he will find his calling.

And, spell check, MSNBC.com..."“I’m focused on writing what has gone so terribly wrong,” he said." Unless that's supposed to be a pun. Or if Mr. Hatch himself was so distraught about his prison experience and having to wear clothes that he left out some words.

And now back to regularly scheduled programming.

2006-08-10T14:44:00.000-04:00

Or not. Seems like One Ocean View has joined the ranks of such reality failures as Tuesday Night Book Club. Cancelled, after just two episodes. RIP, OOV.

Hey, Kids!

2006-08-10T14:42:00.000-04:00

The curse of MTv.

2006-08-08T16:44:00.000-04:00

People.com is reporting that Shanna and Travis, perhaps our favorite MTv reality couple, are calling it quits. Or at least Travis is. Single tear.

Perhaps her incessant whining and perpetual drowsiness finally got to him.

It's official: getting married and doing a reality show on MTv is a recipe for disaster.

What a day in the entertainment world, friends. What. A. Day.

She should've gone to Paris.

2006-08-08T14:42:00.000-04:00

Breaking News! Per Us Weekly, LC and JWahl have broken up! You heard it here, first!

Lauren even confirmed the breakup, saying that, "Jason and I are no longer together, but out of respect for his privacy I am not going to discuss the details of the breakup.” Wow, that's classy of her...considering the disrespect he paid her for the last year plus.

"Sources" say the LC broke up with Jason. Jason has apparently not been affected by the breakup and has been seen "going out to clubs, flirting with girls, staying out late." Life goes on for the Prince of Laguna Beach. And by Prince I mean loser.

The breakup was prompted, among other things, by Lauren wanting "to focus on school and her career." Well, if The Hills didn't mastercraft the Pairs internship and all of the missed opportunities, then I can pretty much say that it's too late for Lauren to be focusing on her career. She blew it. But at least "she feels really good about her decision.” Which one? The one to break up with Mr. STD or the one to pass up an internship in Paris with TeenVogue?

The only smart thing she's done of late is allegedly cover up an alleged JASON tattoo while in Vegas with Heidi. Ew. And ew.

In other Laguna Beach news, Kristin Cavallari and her on again off again "love" Brody have called it quits. Why, you might ask? Because "they fought a lot." Ha. And she's a materialistic diva bitch. But that's beside the point.

You'll be happy to know...

2006-08-08T13:59:00.000-04:00

...that despite my best efforts (ie deleting the damn picture, the damn link, and all effing mentions of said photo) this piddly little blog is still the number one result for "photo fergie pee" when one (and sadly it is not one, but hundreds) do a google image search.

Yes, it bothers me that a good number of hits come, daily, from such searches. But what bothers me more is that people (approximately 50 or so a day) are conducting such searches. Why, I ask, do people want to see Fergie's wet crotch? At first, it was mostly Europeans conducting these searches. Now, our dear American compatriots have caught on and begun doing the same.

Because you're getting to me, anyway, I might as well make it worth your while.

She could not possibly get any dumber.

2006-08-08T12:57:00.000-04:00

Not even if she tried, but she won’t try, because she’s lazy.

Lindsay, Lindsay, Lindsay. Where to begin?

Apparently, Lindsay’s latest goal in life is to visit the troops in Iraq. (Note: do you think they want to see her?). She equates herself to Marilyn Monroe, saying, “I wanted to do what Marilyn Monroe did (during the Korean War), when she went and just set up a stage and did a concert for the troops all by herself.” You and Paris, Lindsay, have more in common than you’d care to admit. But we all see it.

She goes on to say that she has always aspired to be a pin-up. Ew. You’re 20 years old. Your mission in life should not be to be a sex object, especially if you’re such a great actress who is destined to win an Oscar and, thus, have other “talents” which you can exploit. Instead of being exploited yourself.

Fear not, faithful readers. While we realize the dangerous nature of such a trip, our fearless pal Lindsay is not in the least concerned. She’s going to take shooting lessons before she goes (claiming she has a dark side). Because you know she’s going to be in Iraq, wearing a cute Prada dress and some Jimmy Choos and be all bedecked in Chopard and there’s going to be an attack…but she’ll be prepared with an M-16 and aim and shoot those bastards who come after her. She ain’t afraid.

She also tells reporters "things that aren't true … just because it's fun." Apparently, Ms. Lindsay Morgan Lohan has some warped ideas about what is fun. Iraq = fun. Lying to the media so that you get unwanted attention, essentially fueling the fire under your own ass = fun.

Learn your words.

2006-08-07T23:06:00.000-04:00

And now for your list about One Ocean View.

Anelka, Anelka, Anelka.
Is it surprising that Playboy Playmate Heather is a midwestern farmer's daughter?
And, speaking of: John, you're not going to find a lasting relationship, like that of your parents, with such a gal. Playboy playmates make great trophies but bad wives. You seem so much sweeter and less vapid than the rest...think, John. Think.
In: John. Out: KJ.
Lisa, love love love how you played off the fact that no men talk to you while you're out (perhaps your stripper vibe is coming off too strong) by saying you know you're not going to find love on Fire Island.
PS Lisa is a big fat shit stirrer.
Lauren is the biggest sabotaging, manipulative bitch. I hope Zack goes with his heart and does what he believes. I can't believe she told him that his second date was unprecedented and then went on to say that he and she could not give up on their relationship...what relationship is that, Lauren? The one where you get what you want and watch him sit back and feel lonely and sad. You're so sweet. OMG I want to kill her.
LOVED how Zack told her to use her words and corrected her when she said "undecisive" and he told her it was indecisive and to "learn words." Ha. Their fight was one of the most annoying five minutes of reality tv ever. Zack, though, was on his game.
The twins need fashion advice.
In the scene where Zack is lifting weights, what's whit his hair? It looks like the back is all gray...

Shocker.

2006-08-07T09:32:00.000-04:00

Paris and Stavros broke up.

Over The Hills.

2006-08-02T22:14:00.000-04:00

Please bear with me as I comment while I watch...

Lauren, do you really think it's a good idea to get a "summer rental" with Jason? Do you really think he wants to not be around people 24/7. Also, I am fascinated by these summer beach houses. Simply fascinated.
Brent is horrible. Such a bad actor.
Hollywood is so effing awesome, isn't it Heidi?!?! OMG, Elodie must be so jealous! And, do you really need to call her? Why can't you just get up from your desk and go talk to her?
Bev. Reg. Wil.
Um, I can solve the ticket problem, LC...get Heidi's and Audrina's. Are you that stupid?
That Cutrone lady is a bitch.
Whitney is secretly evil. And Blaine needs to die.
Does Lisa Love really need to speak French on the phone?
Whitney only speaks in questions.
"Yum, it's like my dream to make it to Paris. It's like insane."
I have an idea for a drinking game...every time they say "like," DRINK!
"Good luck packing," says LC to Whitney. What kind of luck do you need?
Who shares ice cream? Eat your own, dammit. And, where did Heidi get the spoon?
LC, you and Jason are not in a good place. Where is this good place of which you speak?
Do you think Jason really knew how to ask "where" the internship was? Don't you think he would assume it was in LA?
Please shave, Jason. Please.
I swear to God, if she doesn't go I am going to kill her. She's not going to go. She's not going to go. Ugh, commercial. If she actually went, we'd know, right?
"I'd like a guy for like a day then I'd be sick of him."
"In pre school it's how you're going to be for the rest of your life." Once a ho, always a ho.
Oh no! Heidi is Lauren's best friend?! What happened to Lo? What is she going to think??
I find it hard to believe that Lisa Love is traveling to Paris fashion week with only three small bags.
Oh no she didn't!!
Good for effing Whitney. She deserves the internship. She's serious about her future.
Oh Lauren, you're going to have so many regrets. Did you discuss your decision with anyone? You parents? Some smart friends? Anyone??
What a letdown.

You stink, Mischa Barton.

2006-08-02T12:16:00.000-04:00

This is probably the worst idea ever. As seen on TMZ.com...

One Ocean View.

2006-08-01T13:02:00.000-04:00

Like I needed another reality show to lure me in...but, alas, they gave me one. Thanks, ABC, for the pathetic One Ocean View...which I will undoubtedly be tuning in for every week. Good thing it's on Mondays, when there is nothing else.

I explained this to someone, yesterday, as being a Real World for adults, without jobs...kind of like really old school Real World, circa 1990. So, you can imagine my surprise when, during a requisite getting wasted bar scene, we find that the cousin of one of the stars is none other than our old pal (and former host of The Grind) Eric Nies!

I have a few questions/comments/concerns:

The age discrepencies between these people is amazing...Zack's not even 26, but the others seem older.
Are they going to this share house just for the weekend (PS "share house" takes me back to True Life: I'm a Jersey Shore Girl)?
This Usman character...ugh. Obviously he's an arrogant prick. It is totally an act. I bet he's compensating for something...perhaps his deep down love for Lance Bass. Shouldn't you be staying in the city being the high powered corporate lawyer you claim to be?
Poor Mary is going to get her heart broken. Unfortunately she's walking right into it.
Oh I heart KJ already. And John is cute, too.
Contrary to that, I despise Lauren already. She is an H-O. Poor Zack.
Speaking of Zack, he reminds me of the dude from Hey, Dude...the one who played that football player named Kyle on 90210 (I think Kelly liked him but he turned out to be gay?)...and Blossom's boyfriend...you know the guy I'm talking about.
How much does that house cost!? (suspension of disbelief, I know...thanks, ABC, for paying for their house).
No one cares about the girl with the dog.
Aside from the obvious answer being "casting," how did this group of people come together?

The Prince And The Pooper.

2006-08-01T12:58:00.000-04:00

Here we find Prince Harry and his girlfriend Chelsy (note to self: figure out how to become the girlfriend of a prince) sitting around the polo field after some important charity match.

Please note the poop.

Say it ain't so...

2006-07-30T21:58:00.000-04:00

+ = love?!

Per a reliable source (either Us Weekly or Ok!), Mandy Moore and John Krasinski were seen frolicking on the shore of some beach recently. Ugh.

I was reminded today...

2006-07-30T18:39:00.000-04:00

...that the Lala family "fascination" with all things Lionel Richie began much earlier than this LR filled week...as my brother reminded me today (regarding his meeting with Lionel on Friday):

"I should've told him that I named my Cabbage Patch Kid after him," but, alas, all the old ladies on the people mover were vying for his attention, so brother kept that long forgotten tidbit of information to himself.

Here's a picture of a bizarro Lionel to whom, I think, we might have to say RIP. Our mom likes to throw (and also give) away our most prized possessions.

I <3 KFC

2006-07-29T10:51:00.000-04:00

And by KFC I mean Kenny Freakin' Chesney.

Concert last night was awesome. I had seen him in concert before and remembered it being great--he's energetic, he doesn't show off, he engages the crowd. We kept commenting on how fast he seems to have gotten over Rene. No, he didn't sing "You Had Me From Hello."

We knew every song he sang. And so did everyone in the sold out crowd. This wasn't a Kelly Clarkson kind of concert, where a quarter of the crowd was too enthralled with itself, a quarter was there because they had brought their children, a quarter was there because they were fans and the last quarter was there because... this was a sing along, dance along, stay til the very end of the encore kind of crowd.

Uncle Kracker showed up. Haha.

Lionel Richie is stalking my family.

2006-07-27T19:39:00.000-04:00

So yesterday bizarro Lionel Richie tried to sell me software. Today, the very real Lionel Richie, in the flesh, was sitting next to my brother on the people mover at Dulles Airport. No joke. The picture above is a picture message I had in my inbox on my phone when I got out of kickboxing today.

When asked if he talked to Lionel, my brother replied, "I just said hi. I didn't say hello. Because I'm sure he's heard that one before."

I wonder if Nicole was in his carry on.

myPod, yourPod

2006-07-27T18:18:00.000-04:00

On the way to work today, my iPod (or, should I say, my non-trusty iTrip) picked up some music that was not mine. This, unfortunately, is not unusual. As I was trying to learn all the words to Kenny Chesney's new album before tomorrow's concert (yes, I am that girl), I all of a sudden was listening to music that was obviously not Kenny. But I liked it.

Having the brother that I have, I have been exposed to many different kinds of music and have become quite good (though he would probably argue) at placing bands that I hear, even if I don't really know their music. Today's surprise concert from my iPod intrigued me...it sounded kind of familiar, but not familiar enough that I knew who it was. What sucks is that I really liked the 20 or so seconds I heard of about seven different songs...whoever it was who was actually listening to the music I was stealing was obviously searching for a song.

So, I didn't get to hear my own music and I don't know what it was that I was listening to. Not a win win sin situation at all.

Crocodile Tears.

2006-07-26T15:28:00.000-04:00

Her made for tv movie starring, adultery commiting husband can't even help her with this one. Seems like Candy Spelling is pretty damn smart (and vindictive!) after all. She didn't marry the unattractive, much older, but extremely awesome nevertheless tv producing, billionaire Mr. Spelling because she was stupid.

Waaaahhhh, Tori. See if Dean can save you now. Bet you're wishing you would've taken the $1M for that first wedding and done some smart investing, huh?

Hello, is it me you're looking for?

2006-07-26T12:11:00.000-04:00

So I'm sitting in a meeting with a vendor this morning, listening to two men try to bamboozle me into thinking their product is the best product to do the work I am supposed to do (and for those of you who are quick to say I do not do work, I say this: Cram it.) when I had a moment of complete recognition. As the dude was talking about importing and exporting pertinent data I turned to a colleague and said, "OMG, he looks like Lionel Richie." She burst out laughing. Not such an endearing move coming from the kids sitting in the back row.

So while I sat there and asked well thought out and well timed questions throughout the presentation (to which, at one point, my boss leans over and says he's created a monster--yes, I was that girl), the questions I really wanted to ask him could not be asked.

Like:

Why haven't you gotten Nicole help?
Do you like her better fat or skinny?
Are you happy with your decision to adopt her?
Do you like Paris? What do you think of their falling out?
Did you think your video for "Hello" was as creepy as everyone else did? And, on a related note, how did you feel about the Starburst spoof of it?
Do you love "Dancing on the Ceiling" as much as I do?
Are you and DJ AM bff? How do you feel about his on again off again relationship with Nicole?
Did you encourage Nicole to start a singing career?

Instead, I asked questions like, "Does the system automatically archive documents and, if so, how many prior documents does it keep and where are they stored?"

SPF + Suri L. Ronnette Hubbard Holmes Cruise Whatever = BFF

2006-07-24T16:53:00.000-04:00

This is really funny...

Be sure to check out the links within the "chat."

Let Tori's inheritance continue to grow.

2006-07-24T09:24:00.000-04:00

I can finally stop hoarding episodes on my DVR. Today, my pal Scarlet was the bearer of the best news ever...news that I know many of you (hundreds, thousands even) have been waiting for months, if not years, to hear:

90210 is coming to DVD. Yes, you heard me correctly.

So, it's only the first season...but the rest are sure to follow, and follow quickly. One can only dream, I know. A reliable source says that, actually, all ten seasons will be available at once for $200--quick math: $20/season. Yikes! Awaiting confirmation...

In the meantime, enjoy the good news and start planning your first viewing party, just like old times.

UPDATE: Per my reliable source, it appears as though all ten seasons are already available. You can get 256 episodes (were there really that many??) for $99.

A Wedding Story.

2006-07-23T21:05:00.000-04:00

Relationships based on sex and fame are not going to last. I promise.

I'm sitting here watching Adrianne Curry get ready to marry [my favorite Brady] Christopher Knight. I'm incredulous. How can anyone think this is a good idea? This is just one huge train wreck (and always has been). If your fiance is threatening to call off your wedding the day before, how can you marry him (not to mention the fact that you pretty much ultimatum-ed him into proposing).

You're 24. He's old. You've got your whole life ahead of you. He's been married twice. He doesn't want to get married. All of this is driving him nuts. He said so in his own words. And you, in your own words (well, from your "official blog," at least) said this: "Though what we went through to get to where we are now is something I would DO ANYTHING to take away from the public, and not let them see myself, or chris, at our worse. It all ends in the most beautiful way." Ha. Punctuation, much?
She grosses me out. She's too out there. He's so anal retentive. Maybe opposites do attract, but their relationship is so volatile. OMG the wedding planner and Chris just made Adrianne promise not to get "puking drunk" at the wedding; and Chris just said he hopes she doesn't get naked and dance on the tables at the reception. Um, you are marrying this woman and you fear she is going to do things like this. Red Flag??

This all just seems like bad bad news. As a former professional who used to deal with the repercussions of couples who entered into unions they should not have entered into, I just see disaster in this [ahem] happy couple's future. Disaster.

And, as a complete aside, what's with this new trend of subtitling shows where the people are obviously speaking English. They did it on this show, they do it on The Hills, they do it all over the place on reality tv.

Ha.

2006-07-21T15:10:00.000-04:00

Per People.com, our pal LLo is reading 101 Things To Do Before You Die.

Things? Or people? Oh, wait. She doesn't need to read a book for that.

Jim, Seth or Dr. McDreamy?

2006-07-21T12:26:00.000-04:00

I have never been good about making decisions regarding the male gender, but this is going to be a tough one. Even my hero, DVR, won't be able to help me through this one.

Last night at our bi-weekly (bi-monthly?) Girls' Night Dinner, The Pirate, Maryland Friend and Transplanted Grad School Friend and I discussed very important news: the Thursday night fall television line-up.

Unbeknownst to me, the 9:00 time slot on Thursdays is slated to be occupied by The OC, Grey's Anatomy and The Office (at 9:30) (and CSI which others at the table enjoy but I, personally, do not).

Are the network execs trying to make our Tivos and DVRs short circuit?! What are we going to do? Who will I choose? And on what basis will my decision be made?

Upon conducting some important research this morning [at work] I found varying and conflicting information on the subject, namely in terms of when my boyfriend Jim would grace me with his presence. Some sources say The Office, in all its splendor, will be on the air at 8:30. This is good news, and the news I will accept at this moment.

This, however, does not solve the dilemma for those of you who enjoy some Greg Sanders along with your McDreamy and Seth Cohen. What are you going to do??

Her words speak for themselves.

2006-07-20T13:48:00.000-04:00

Paris, Paris, Paris.

The following quotes were taken from an msnbc gossip article, dated today.

"... There's nobody in the world like me," Paris trumpets to the London Times. "I think every decade has an iconic blonde -- like Marilyn Monroe or Princess Diana -- and right now, I'm that icon."
"There's a lot of heiresses out there and I don't see any of them doing what I've done," she crows. "I have so many projects -- bags, fragrances, makeup. I go round the world every three days, designing and personally approving it all. I've got movies to make, a tour, TV shows. Every day of my life is scheduled until the end of 2007."
" ... I love my job, and I think I've earned the right to be happy now. God gives you good karma if you work hard and play nice."
"At least I'll always be remembered."

And does anyone find it funny that her album is called "Paris is Burning"...I'm sure I can't be the first to infer sexually transmitted disease jokes there...

But I do kinda like the song; without listening to the words, it's kind of catchy. But not as catchy as JSimp's "A Public Affair," my new not so guilty pleasure. I'm admitting it, here for the world to see. I listened to it on repeat this morning on the way to work; granted, that was only 2.5 times through the song. But still. And you know I'm a devoted teammate on Team Lachey.

Matthew. Or Mateo. Whatever.

2006-07-19T10:59:00.000-04:00

What is it with all these articles and pictures as of late talking about how Matthew McConaughey's arms are disproportionate to his body (ie dwarf-like). They kinda look normal to me:

What about Cameron?

2006-07-18T13:39:00.000-04:00

Not so breaking news, I'm sure, but blogworthy nevertheless:

“I've done way too many drugs already. I've already inhaled and I've already ... who knows?” Timberlake tells the Brit magazine Observer Music Monthly. “I'm just like everyone else, I get completely plastered, I've done my fair share of drugs and I've been caught places with my pants down. It's just I make sure there are no cameras around.”

We haven't had a list in a while:

"...who knows?" You can't remember?
WTF is Observer Music Monthly? Is it big in England? Do people read it? It obviously is getting mucho press now...
"Everyone else" is a very broad group of people, JT, one in which I would include myself. In that case, you are not like me.
Please don't just give us nibbles...we want to know about this drug use. What did you do? When? With whom? How often? Britney? Cameron? Lance? JC? Pharrel? Come on, man.
Did you ever think that maybe, if you got caught with your pants down and cameras were around it would be a good thing? Food for thought, Justin. Food for thought.

Sugar Daddy Revealed.

2006-07-18T11:19:00.000-04:00

Dude, what are you thinking? You are married to one of the most beautiful women in the world (who obviously has very bad taste in men…hello, Billy Joel.) and you decide to get it on with a 19 year old (not to mention a 19 year old you were first attracted to when she was 17…oh, maybe he is getting lessons from BJ).

Allegedly, Christie Brinkley’s fourth husband, Peter Cook, had an affair with a 19 year old who worked at his architecture firm. Classy.

The now 19 year old says that at the time Cook made his first advances toward her, she was “naïve.” Don’t blame this on yourself, little one! You weren’t naïve! You were 18! Big difference.

Guess the guy can get some credit because, though he met her when she was 17 (and a toy store clerk, which leads us to believe that he was there either with his children or with them in mind…or else he was there stalking teenage girls who work in retail), he didn’t pursue anything with her until she was of age; and, his line was "How would you feel if I told you I was attracted to you?"

The response from the 18 year old? “Uh, I dunno.” But, per the girl, "I didn't really answer him. I was kind of thinking, 'Are you serious? Are you kidding?' I really didn't know what to do at that point." Here’s what you do: you turn around, tell him he’s being inappropriate, and immediately quit and leave. Stopping at HR on the way is up to you.

Instead, she decides that she wants to sleep with him. I mean, he is giving her money and jewelry and a car. Great gifts, no? Well, her lawyer seems to think that in his role as employer, Cook’s “generosity” constituted sexual harassment, whether the relationship was consensual or not. Interesting take there, lawyer man.

“A message left for Cook at his Long Island architecture firm Monday was not immediately returned.” Really? You’re kidding, right?

The best part of all of this is that the girl, Diana Bianchi, is an aspiring singer. Stop right there. Hello, [publicity] ho. Looking for some attention? Should’ve just done the normal thing and befriended Cook and gotten him to hire you as his daughter’s babysitter. Then you could have become friends with Christie who, duh, has some music world connections. But no. Instead you decide to sleep with her husband and then come clean to the New York Post. Great business skills.

Ok, so another good part is when the lawyer says that Diana was financially dependent on Christie’s husband…and that as long as she provided sex, she got everything she needed. The article goes on to say that this is the kind of relationship the law frowns upon when you’re an employer and an employee. How about it should be frowned upon whenever? I mean, I can think of another definition of being paid to offer sex.

To make the story even more interesting, and to embellish a bit on the “financially dependent” twist, a reliable source states that Cook used to leave wads of cash for Diana under rocks in parks. And that the two were found out when the girl’s father (who, by chance, is a cop) saw Cook at a restaurant. Apparently the dad walked up to him and said something to the effect of, “If I wasn't worried about my pension I would kill you...stop dating my daughter." And, oh yeah. Christie was at the table.

Pants Off, Dance Off.

2006-07-16T09:49:00.000-04:00

Does Stephanie Judith Tanner really think that hosting Pants Off, Dance Off on the Fuse Network (where did this channel come from? And, who's watching it?) is going to revive her career in any way? I happened to be flipping through channels yesterday and ran across a PODO marathon. It was hosted by a girl named Teela (yes, as in He-Man's girlfriend person), so I assumed that this was an older season of the show and SJT hadn't taken over yet (after a commercial break, Teela said that she had taken the away time to put on some perfume...her favorite one, called "Fondle Me." Classy, I know.).

I watched one segment, and it was horrible. I couldn't tell if these people were for real or not (my ability to suspend my disbelief was obviously not working). Anyway, it was horrible and definitely not a vehicle that Jodie Sweetin should have taken unless she was really really trying to get out of the house and distract herself so as not to relapse and go back to that horrible horrible meth habit.

What did I do to deserve this?

2006-07-14T22:35:00.000-04:00

Thank you, the powers that be at Bravo, for bringing Slade Smiley back into my life. Yes, Bravo has renewed The Real Housewives of Orange County (or RHOOC, as it's lovingly referred to by its biggest fans (ie The Pirate)). I can't wait to see what's happened to Lori and Sophie (did she get that laptop she wanted?) and Josh (has he fallen back into his old habits?), to Vicki and Michael (is he still lazy?) and unemployed Don (did he get a job?), to Jeana and Shane (did he make it through his first year of college?) and Colton (did he have a good baseball season?), to Kimberly and Travis (did he get to eat donuts for breakfast?) and to the annoying teenage daughters of them all. And, of course, to the trials and tribulations of Slade Smiley and Jo.

Is Coto still overrun by rabbits? Did Slade get that big job he wanted? Has Kimberly's skin cancer come back? Is Jeana's husband back from rehab? Did Jo quit her job? Did Vicki tone down? Did Lauri find a boyfriend? Did she return to the Playboy mansion and fall in love with Hef? Will she be on The Girls Next Door next season, too? Did Shane get drafted?

So many unanswered questions.

Late 2006 cannot get here fast enough.

I mean, come on.

2006-07-14T11:05:00.000-04:00

I know Olsen twin fashion commenting is in style these days. But wow. This is horrible. Style icon Mary Kate is not. She looks disheveled and dirty. And she's wearing plastic flops (not that I don't, but I don't make billions of dollars peddling tween merchandise at Wal-Mart). What happened to the days of Marc Jacobs and D&G?

And please rid yourself of the hippie chic headband.

Oh, Freddie.

2006-07-14T11:03:00.000-04:00

You used to be hot. What happened to you?

Oh, I know. You married boring Sarah Michelle Gellar.

No one ever said I had good taste.

2006-07-12T22:56:00.000-04:00

Movies I can't wait to see:

The one movie I wonder if anyone will see:

Little Man (the thought of it gives me a headache)

Worst idea ever.

2006-07-12T22:18:00.000-04:00

And other thoughts garnered from watching this week's episode of The Hills.

Jordan must be just as vapid as Heidi. Getting her a puppy for Christmas? She can't even commit to a full class period. How do you expect her to take care of a dog?
The whole scene about Heidi crying at Christmas because she doesn't get what she wants was classic...but too much to even address in this small space. Not that I ever cried over not getting a present, but still. I was 11 and wanted a Sony CD player, not a JVC one. You know what happens to ungrateful children in Lala's family? They get their presents taken away. And little girls learn their lessons.
Lauren's mom never let the kids decorate the tree. BC she's OCD? Or bc the help did it?
Jordan is such a bad actor. Yes, I called him an actor.
Heidi Eubanks. Haha. That will be her name if she marries Jordan. Like that will happen.
Nice Chanel bag, JWahl. Thanks to Mom and Dad Wahl.
Do we know where Heidi is from? She talks about LA as though it's some far away exotic town, but I'm pretty sure she's from Laguna...which, LBH, isn't that much different.
"He gets mad about the dumbest things." Raise the red flad, LC, and salute.
Ouch, JEub, your tailbone is going to hurt. Trust me. Not like I just tripped over my own two feet recently and bit it big time on a brick walk way. Nope, that wasn't me.
Dude, did Jason break up with Lauren wihtout breaking up with her??
WOOBIE. Where the hell did that nickname come from? And why haven't we heard it before?
Jason is an asshole. Come on Lauren.
Heidi actually is a good friend. But not a good dog mom. Who is taking care of Bella?
Damn DVR for being broken. And damn World Series of Pop Culture for having the same show/commercial schedule as The Hills.
Jordan should write scripts. Telling Jason what, exactly, to say to Lauren was potentially award winning screenwriting.
Heidi is polite, too! Who knew?
Did Jordan tell Jason to make love to Lauren. Ew.
I am losing respect for Lauren. All it takes is a kiss and some random leftover roses?
HAHAHA, Whitney drives a Cadillac.

PS Cheyenne is white trash.

I can make it to home plate.

2006-07-11T10:13:00.000-04:00

Or at least third base. VH-1 debuted the World Series of Pop Culture this week and I, by sheer chance, flipped to it yesterday night (after catching up on my Simple Life and 90210 episodes). That show is awesome...and easy. The contestants are all weird, and they do pull some stuff out of their asses, but all in all I think it is a good representation of all that is pop culture. My favorite category of last night was "Tv Theme Songs" (I am the proud sister of a theme song expert). However, it did subject me to singing random theme songs in my head as I tried to fall asleep...

Maybe the world is blind.
Or just a little unkind...don't know...
You made me happy and then, one day you're smiling again
Ev-ery time I turn around.

Heidi is the poor man's Tori Spelling.

2006-07-07T13:33:00.000-04:00

I just didn't have the energy or the patience, this week, to blog about our favorite not so guilty pleasure The Hills. There was just too much wrong going on for me to even begin. So, in lieu of my usual tirade, I leave you with this picture of LC and Heidi shopping at Fred Segal. Doesn't Heidi bear a striking resemblance to our favorite husband stealer/family breaker upper (on so many levels)/Lifetime movie genius Tori Spelling??