Lessons learned from The Hills (and other comments):

1. Callaway golf clubs must be good, because they’re everywhere. So is pollen.
2. Jeans are really addicting, because there are always new kinds and you feel like you have to have them all.
3. People have birthdays every year, stupid Whitney. No need to say, “Really?”
4. Why didn’t Lisa ask Lauren what her plans for Wednesday were?
5. The perk of dating a model is that they have good bodies. That's pretty broad, Heidi. What about plus size models. Would you consider a plus size model to have a good body?
6. Jason’s hair is horrible.
7. “It’s fancy seeing you again,” says Dan to Audrina. What?
8. “I apologize, you work.” Eek! What is wrong with these people??
9. Dan, of course you think that your high school friend getting fake boobs is cool.
10. Dan, it is not cool to check your machine while you’re on a date.
11. Whoa, nice tat Audrina.
12. “This salad is like a party.” I’m beginning to think I should just have an entry about Dan’s comments.
13. Who knew Jason was such an gregarious dude…how’d he get to be such good friends with these people so quickly?
14. Wwwwahhhh, Brian. “E-nough! Already!” Jealousy is ugly ugly ugly, Bri guy.
15. I hate how Lauren says “yeah.”
16. Since when did Blaine start caring?
17. Whoa, Lauren bought Jason a whole set of new golf clubs?!
18. Organizing shoes = my dream job.
19. Passive aggressive photo assistant. “I thought you’d want to take it in, but you don’t have to be there.”
20. Please no traffic, Lauren? You live in LA. You need to call my friend Abu Shekha.
21. How quickly one becomes one’s boyfriend again.
22. “If you want to go out, I’ll go out with you. I mean, I won’t be much fun but…” Lauren, that is not how you keep a “man.” You are learning how to be passive aggressive on the job.
23. Jesus, where did all of these friends come from?? And who’s the old guy at the table?
24. Audrina used to work at Hooters! “Hottest Hooters girl ever!”
25. Jordan (ie “Heidi’s boyfriend”) knows how to tie a tie.
26. Lauren, if you wanted him to sit with just you, you shouldn’t have invited 100 people to his party. He is being gracious. It’s the only thing he’s done right in a while.
27. The way to a man’s heart is not making him feel guilty.
28. What is Heidi carrying after dinner? Looks like a bunch of stuff recently delivered from J Crew.