"I have the ability to sense oncoming danger"

That was the quote of the night, spoken by my Laguna Beach fiasco partner in crime at an almost equally "interesting" drinking venue.

New Year's Eve has come and gone, my friends, and here are a few things that I (and my fellow causers of trouble) would like to remember about saying goodbye to 2005...some lessons learned, if you will:

1. If you happen to have a job where you create signs/"maps" for housing developments showing where certain addresses are located, make them understandable. Don't make them look like a compass, because directionally challenged people, even with navigational help (thanks, Jack) will not be able to figure out where to go.
2. There are certain first names that make people un-dateable. To protect the [not so] innocent, I will not list them here. But trust me. Sadly, it was a conversation that I began that started this whole discussion. Suffice to say, more than one failed "relationship" in my repertoire can be attributed to the individual's first name...even though our names are none of our own doing and, per a fellow party guest, "we just have to deal with the cards we're dealt."
3. SoCo and lime is always a good shot. And pay no matter to the type of red "wine" you put into a sangria mixture.
4. If someone asks you what your plans are for the evening, and you tell them, don't expect them to show up (or even call) and hang out with you. Especially if they're male. And an asshole. (I see your brains working...this lesson does not correspond in any way to lesson one from above).
5. Silver, sequined, sleeveless dresses that don't even come mid-thigh are not appropriate attire for a bar. On New Year's Eve. Or ever. Neither is big, blonde hair to go along with said outfit.
6. Extremely intoxicated girls who break into an obviously exclusive dance circle should never be befriended. Especially if such a girl throws her arms around various members of the group and says "save me" while motioning toward a group of "men," two of whom (separately and at various times throughout the evening) she is later spotted smooching.
7. If the band is playing good music and you want to dance, by all means, DANCE! Even if "dancing" to you is flailing around the dance floor in various stages of extreme hyperactivity and over-exertion. And even if you're slightly awkward and way over the age of 40. You will provide hours of happiness and smiles to all those around you (not to mention conversation fodder for at least days to come).
8. If you're leading a countdown to the new year and there's a large crowd depending on you, make sure that you are on the same count as the television countdown. Please do not count ahead. Because when you scream "Happy New Year!" and there are five seconds left on Carson Daly's countdown (um, yeah, no Dick Clark at our bar of choice), you are officially annoying and it's ripping me off five seconds of what was a pretty good year.
9. Cabs are always worth whatever they cost (again, a lesson already previously learned). This is especially true if the cab driver honestly and truly thinks you are 22 years old. And calls you his "two most beautiful passengers" (note: we were also his only passengers, but we know better than to look the gift horse in the mouth). And tries to get you to change your destination from home to downtown because, "that's where all the fun is." Dammit, we missed the fun again.
10. Even if you're not as hungover as you thought/hoped you'd be, you can still pretend you partied like a rock star the night before (thus justifying any future caloric consumption) and go out for a recovery brunch the next day. And you're allowed to have some coke, even if you are trying your hardest (headaches, be damned) to get off of it. Come on kids, I'd be way skinnier if it was the real rock star stuff.