Don't bite the hand that (desprately want to) feed(s) you.

Ahem, Kelly Clarkson. But, mostly, Ms. Lohan. Dude, she needs someone to shake her or something.

Take a look at this article (thanks to Jenni for bringing it to my attention...and for being a co-author this morning).

So much to which to respond:

1. "I hate it when people call me a teen queen," Lohan says in an interview. Says La: WWWWWAAAAAAHHHHHH. Says Jenni: I’m sorry, but you’re still 19. YOU ARE A TEEN! (queen is debatable).
2. She dropped pounds from her shapely figure following a hospital visit last year, she says. "I lost weight when I was in the hospital, and then I wanted to keep it off." Says La: She's leaving out the part about cocaine and heroin, no? And maybe how her "hospital visit" is "secret code" for rehab? Says Jenni: Whatever, no response. She’s skinny and therefore I hate her.
3. "(But) you start to wonder if your friends are your friends because you look a certain way." Says La: Narcissistic, anyone? Also, does she have so little self-esteem and self-worth that she thinks people are her friends because she's famous and skinny? (That was a rhetorical question). Says Jenni: Lindsay I promise, I wouldn’t be your friend mostly because of the way you look. I try to keep my interaction with white trash to a minimum.
4. Regarding her breakup with Wilmer Valderrama, Lohan tells the magazine: "I know now that I don't need a boyfriend." Says La: Why have one boyfriend when you can have a different one every other day? Brilliant, Linds. Says Jenni: Shouldn’t that read “I know now that I don’t need Wilmer”….and can everyone in Hollywood keep repeating this statement?!! (Yes, Ashlee Simpson, I’m talking to you.)
5. "I know better what to do and what not to do. " Says La: Really? Do you? I say let's wait to see this week's Us Weekly. Says Jenni: Sure she does. That’s why she keeps giving interviews where all she talks about is her weight, boyfriends, and partying. Because that’s what serious actresses talk about, and NOT teen queens.