You have the right to remain silent (anything you say may be used against you).

Facebragging verb: a facebook status update with the purpose of self-promotion or boasting about one's accomplishments or experiences (or that of their offspring).

In the age of Facebook, where everyone and his mother (literally) is online and sharing their lives with the world, we have come to be inundated with the goings on of these people's lives. Every last detail is, well, detailed for the world to see, whether in status messages or through photographs.

Don't get me wrong--I'm not trying to be a Bitter Betty here. But there are some things that are better left unsaid, that people, frankly, don't care about. I will admit, I too am a perpetrator of this act of exposing the world to this insignificant (to them) information. But, since realizing my extreme abhorance to such statuses (sometimes the strangest things rile me up), I have made a conscious effort to not share certain things with the world...even if sometimes I do just want to brag.

Do you really have to send a mobile update extolling how your romantic husband is taking you to the most expensive and romantic restaurant in town? You are on a romantic date. I'm happy for you, I really am. But leave the cell phone at home. And enjoy your effing romantic and expensive dinner, because eventually, you're going to have to go home and deal with those kids of yours. You know, those ones we all know all about because we have read that they made the dean's list for the 14th quarter in a row, pooped in (or out of) the potty before any of their peers, and rode a big wheel before they could crawl. By the way, I don't want to read about poop. Or big wheels. Unless there's a funny anecdote attached to it. Maybe it's because I'm not a parent. And a "baby-hater." But ew.

I don't want to read about how perfect your life is. If you wax poetic in your status messages, painting a picture perfect vision of your life, about sitting by your stone hearth sipping a perfectly aged glass of cabernet while the snow falls gently outside and your homemade soup boils on the stove...I'm not going to believe you that it's so perfect. Because why? WHY? Because if your circumstances were that picturesque and wonderful, you would not likely be taking the time to update your status message. You'd be enjoying it.

While we're at it...let's talk about Faceboring. I know it's the age we live in...where we feel the need to overshare. But come on, people. You're driving to work? Awesome. So are 8 million other people at exactly the same time. I? Don't care. Guess what, unless you tell me what you're making for dinner, I don't care that you're making it. I eat dinner, too. And you know what? You already know that about me. Without me telling you.

Also, don't just say "John Smith had a good weekend." Tell me why or don't tell me at all. Because while I'm glad you had a good weekend, I will assume so whether you tell me or not, unless you tell me otherwise.

Now, I'm not saying I'm not guilty of either of the two above mentioned taboos. I know that sometimes I fall victim to oversharing or undersharing. The problem arises, though, when it is constant. I'll let it slide (for myself and others) every now and then. But when every, single, solitary status message falls under the definition above? That's just TMI in the greatest sense of the acronym.

You have to admit, I might have a point here.

By no means am I trying to squelch anyone's creativity here, or deny you your First Amendment rights. Just know that I, and others, are watching. And taking note. And maybe even vomiting a little. But, don't worry. I won't status about it.

Special thanks to Marty Farrant for coining the term "facebragging" and to my pal, Ada, for contributing to the examples.